Ok I'm about to over share quite a bit. If you're just browsing through you might want to skip this post on account of how you don't really care about my weird personal stuff cause you just clicked the wrong link when on my sisters myspace account...
So let's get onto it.
Nate and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year now. At first we didn't mention it because we though how fun it would be to surprise everyone who didn't even know we were trying. There's also the nervousness of telling people in the first trimester. Overall we went into it feeling very strongly that was the right path for us at exactly that time.
I went into the doctor's office got a pre-pregnancy check-up and he said everything looked good so get on with the trying. So we tried and we played and we overall had a good time waiting for things to happen when they would. We used basic biology information to guide us (I am a Bio major after all) and didn't stress much. Overall, a very enjoyable time for all involved.
But then we still weren't pregnant. I have never been 'regular' as far as womanly stuff goes and though I'd been on birth control for a couple years to help that, it started coming back. It got difficult to pinpoint when we should try because my cycle was ranging from 24 days to 72 days long. This was not the fun part. I started stressing that something was wrong and worrying and finally decided to go back into the doctor. At this point we'd probably been trying about 9 months, so we still weren't even officially experiencing "fertility problems" but I didn't want to waste time if something was wrong. Plus I'm overall just a 'know-er'. I'd rather know if something bad's going to happen, know if something good's going to happen, know about surprises, know if people don't like me, just KNOW.
So we did some tests. Nate passed his with flying colors- he got an easy one. I got a super fun hysterosalpingogram. Not the most comfortable procedure I've ever experienced but everything looked fine. So my doctor put me on Clomid (or it's generic equivalent) to force me to ovulate on a regular schedule. He said he would allow me 6 months of that but that was as far as he went fertility-wise, after that we would have to see a fertility specialist. We also started being strict about our chart-keeping and temperature taking etc. We spent money on ovulation tests and pregnancy tests every month. We started taking this seriously and at the same time tried not to stress because that decreases fertility.
Well my 6 months was up about 2 months ago. Last month I talked to my doctor on the phone and he said he would give me 3 more cycles at double the dosage of Clomid. So I have 2 cycles left.
Now a couple months ago I started telling people what was going on. It really started right after the hysterosalpingogram. I got out of the hospital and wanted to be able to talk to people about it. Instead of being a fun, just-between-the-two-of-us secret, it had started to feel like something we had to keep hidden because something was wrong with us. I didn't like that feeling. Also, I didn't like all the hints that people were expecting me to be expecting. When I wasn't trying to get pregnant they were annoying, when I was they really started to hurt. I was doing my best. Why couldn't people leave my private life private? So anyway, we told a couple people, mostly just some family and a couple friends, and I started getting the witchdoctor advice.
Now I'm a Biology major and love science so all the crazy things I heard that had no logical or medical base just blew me away. I mean first-off, why do people feel that the area in which their advice is always welcome, is child-making, bearing and rearing? I'm not sure. And also where did people get these ideas? ancient english folklore? some book they found in the library? their cousin's wife's good friend? Seriously I heard tons of the craziest stuff you ever imagined and I mostly just laughed it off.
The problem is now I'm willing. I'm willing to dance naked under the full moon and kiss certain beetles and use household chemicals in ways I never thought possible. I'm ready for the crazy. Cause I don't want to go down the road of shots in the leg and uncomfortable tests and honestly I'm a little excited to stop having to write down every time my husband and I have sex. It will be nice when that's back to just the two of us again. And mostly I want to have a baby. I'm still ok with the fact that it might not be on my time line but on His but I'm ready to do even the crazy stuff to fulfill my part. I want nothing I have control over left undone.
So...comment. Let me know that thing you heard your ex-roommate's best friend did. Let me hear your crazy theory you came up with in 8th grade science class. Ask the old lady at your work what she did and pass it on. I'll take all the advice I can get.
Bookkeeping- To keep this comfortable for all I will make the comments come to me first before they get posted. This will allow me to not post and yet still read things that might not be for the faint-of-heart or queezy-of-stomach. It means you can be as blatant or graphic as you desire. I can take it- I've worked on cadavers. :)
3 comments:
Oh - I had a feeling you two were trying when I first announced I was pg. Seriously, I went home and told Carlin "It wouldn't surprise me if Nate and Brandie announce they are pg soon. Brandie just gets this look on her face when I talk about it." All that aside - here is my witch-doctor advice: no ibuprofen for either one of you, no hot showers/baths, no hot-tubbing, vitamins C, E and Zinc for both you and Nate. I'm sure you've probably heard a lot of this before. That's about all I've got. I can ask my "voodoo" Grandma... will have to explain later. Talk to ya later.
I know it's not what you want to hear, but patience may be what you are supposed to be learning here. At least you've gotten confirmation that all your parts are in good working order. I know that it makes the "not happening" part seem harder... because you feel like there is no reason that it shouldn't... But at least that avenue is still open for you when He is ready. Enjoy your time together, just the two of you. When a baby does come... you will never have that again. Don't give up hope, but maybe take a break from trying and rest. Just go back to the having fun part for a while after you are done with this round of drugs. Then when you are refreshed and renewed decide what path to take next. I know how absolutely emotionally exausting it can be to be "trying" and it not work... over and over and over. I cried many months in a row before I learned that it wasn't something I could do. I don't know what else to say other than be patient and don't give up hope. If you really need a child now, there is always adoption or foster care. (Both of which can be just as hard as getting prego...) Anyway, now that we love you and understand yoru frustration. I'm just a phone call away!
Nothing is worse than what you are going through! And it does hurt sometimes to hear (and feel) what others are saying. We tried for 2 years to get Matthew and have followed the same course as you. Matt's actually a clomid baby! Brit's friend was going through the same thing as her at the same time. Clomid wouldn't work on her, and after 3 years she had an appointment set to do pre-invitro work. Then out of nowhere she found out she was pregnant. So while this isn't "witch doctor" stuff, it's the best we could come up with: DON'T stop trying! Cause once you do, then there's no way a baby is coming! It sounds silly, but we were to that point so many times. You're in our prayers!
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