Pregnancy Milestones V

Here we go...
1. Peanut has dropped. To explain what this means I will tell you a short story...

Emily, Nate's sister, once participated in a prank war with some friends. One thing they did was to put a bowling ball, holes down, covered in vaseline, into the boys toilet bowl. Imagine that image in your head.

Now replace the bowling ball with Peanut's head and the toilet bowl with my pelvic girdle. You're welcome for that mental image.

2. Reached the 36 week mark which means full-term. Anytime now Peanut can be born and not be considered a 'premie'. This is a stress relieving milestone for any pregnant woman!
3. Set up the car seat (at least the back up car seat; our real car seat is traveling from Cali with my Dad and Hilly)- they won't let you leave the hospital with the baby without it. (ps name the above movie)

4. Created the following lists:

1. Birth Plan
   
2. People to call when Peanut's born
3. Activities for Family to do while in town (so they don't drive me crazy)
4. Where/When/What to spend gift cards on
   
5. Items to be returned (not what you sent us...your stuff was exactly what we wanted)
6. Things to be done on maternity leave before Peanut comes, in order of importance
7. Dad/Son-in-Law Chores for Nate and my Dad to get done while he's here
8. Meals to make and freeze before Peanut comes

I refuse to hear that I might be getting a little ridiculous. Thankfully, Nate has not suggested this possibility.
5. Have officially taken my last trip farther than an hour from home. I'm hunkering down!

6. Finished all birthing and breastfeeding classes. Took hospital tour.

Remember how in elementary school you had to spend an extra hour on fractions because that one kid didn't get it??? These activities are obviously catering to the lowest common denominator... (ha ha. get it? fractions...lowest common denominator...)
7. Started setting up specific days/times for my sisters to come and help me get stuff done. They have their assignments!

8. Created an ipod "Peanut is Born" birth music playlist that I will probably be in too much pain to listen to.

9. Wore stretchy yoga capris to work twice now. Have lost all sense of dignity.

10. Went to a funeral showing where I was the #2 topic of conversation. Strangers touched my belly after touching a dead man. I was not alarmed.
11. Went to bed 3 out of 4 work nights this week, before 8 pm. Once night I was in bed, asleep by 530.

12. Can no longer fit into restaurant booths where neither the chairs nor table move.

13. Last day of work is today!!!!! Put on my out of office, transferred my phone, refuse to help anyone do any course maintenance or classroom scheduling until Thanksgiving!

Tragically Unfulfilled Milestone - My belly button area has gone flat but refuses to become an outie. I was really wanting this to happen. I remember the first time I saw an outie belly button I thought it was way cool. Pregnancy fail!

Snippets

So most of this post is not going to be about pregnancy stuff but I had to remind you...
Any day now, for sure in less than a month, people are going to let me take a real live baby home to keep at my house. Seriously. You have been warned.

Sexy Story:
Ahhh my inherent sexiness strikes again. Last night I awoke at 4am to an awful ear ache. Ear aches for me almost always mean a small sinus infection- which I'm pretty sure I have. I sat up. This cause the bloody nose I'd apparently had for some time while asleep, to start dripping down my face and the back of my throat. I ran (ok waddled quickly) to the bathroom to get cleaned up. I decided to brush my teeth to get rid of the taste. That irritated my already queasy stomach and I spent the next couple minutes crying and vomiting strawberries into the bathroom sink. Nate woke up to come rub my back.

Sad Story:
While Nate was having furloughs at work he started doing some extra work in a mower shop. This mower shop is owned by one of his best friend's dad. It is also one of the local hangouts for the 'Old Men of Perry'. They would come in small groups to sit around the shop and BS. Nate's jokes and attitudes took a definite old man feel onto them during this time. I teased him about it (he is almost a whole year older than me). He talked with them, ate lunch with them and became friends with them. He was already familiar with most of these men but a definite kinship happened during this time.

This last week one of those older men died. He was only 61 or so and Nate really got along with him. Nate's been asked to be a pallbearer. Although we have no doubts he is happier where he is now, Nate has been very sorry to lose a friend. It feels weird to be grown up enough to have friends dying of 'old age'.

Story in Which I Try to Remember I Actually Like Animals:
This past week we were changing the hinges on a door in our hallway. We had let the dogs into the living room and they were lounging around. Hoss, whose attention span is ridiculously low, came over to see what I was doing. I noticed that his foot was glowing like a little girl's night necklace at Disneyland. I yelled for Nate. We searched the living room to find that Hoss had gotten into the first aid/emergency kit and chewed on the emergency kit glow stick. Luckily these are non-toxic. The above is a picture of our couch cushion (sorry for the bad pic it was really hard to get it to show) with glowy stuff on it. The glowy stuff was also all over Hoss and the living room floor.

Happy Story:
We bought this yellow watermelon for $5 off a guy on the side of the road. He threw in a tiny cantaloupe for free. It weighed 45 lbs and was delicious!

Dear Peanut,

While everyone in the world has been increasingly demanding about when you should descend, in a sticky, cheesy mess, from my uterus, I have been more accommodating. I told you to stay in there until you were ready. Relax. Grow. And when your lungs are working and you're tired of your feet being squished up in between my ribs, lungs and other internal organs, to come out and play with me and your Dad.

I have changed my mind. I am currently still working. I will stop working in less than a week and a half. You will wait until I have had a couple of days of vacation before you come! This morning you were causing me some pain and it took everything in me to continue getting ready for work and drive in. Please stop this. In a week and a half when you cause me pain I can lounge around in my underroos and try to get comfortable. And while I will actually be farther away from the hospital while at home, I will be closer to your father- which is how I want it.

I appreciate that the ultrasound tech didn't see any reason for alarm at the ultrasound yesterday and yet let me know you were just a little small. This is acceptable. It is not acceptable to come before your lungs work and I've had a chance to clean the kitchen floor. I know you don't care but it makes a big difference to me. Should you disobey me be prepared to live out your first several days in the bathroom, since that is the only room I've gotten close to being clean enough. You can sleep in the tub.

Remember, Mommy loves you. Please mind her!

from Not Always Right... III

Look I can't help that they're having so many funny pregnancy ones right now...

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Pregnant Woman Scorned

Candy Store | New Jersey, USA

(A man comes to my register with a mint chocolate candy bar.)

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “Can you break a $100 bill?”

Me: “Actually, I can’t. We just opened and I haven’t gone to the bank today.”

Customer: “Oh, no! Do you know anywhere I can get change? I need this candy right away!”

(At this point I notice his panicked look. Coupled with the fact that he’s buying the most unappetizing candy in the store, I jump to a conclusion.)

Me: “Sir, these aren’t for you, are they?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did your pregnant wife send you out at 8 in the morning to buy this candy?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “For the love of God, man! Get these home to her before you’re in even more trouble! You can come back and pay me later!”

(The customer bolts out the door. He later came back, visibly calmer, and paid.)

(485 Thumbs Up!)

Email | Print | Digg | Stumble

Snails Rule! Other Mollusks Drool!

from Not Always Right... II

10 Little Pints Of Joy

Grocery Store | Florida, USA

(A guy comes into my register with a pretty standard basket of groceries.)

Me: “Sir, did you only get one pint of Ben and Jerry’s?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Well, it’s ‘Buy one, Get one free’ this week.”

Customer: “Hold on.” *runs off and returns a minute later with 9 more pints*

Me: “You must really like Ben and Jerry’s, huh?”

Customer: “I have a pregnant wife.”

Weekend Updates

***Update below***

1. Best new game ever: Chore Poker. Like Strip Poker but played for chores.
Before the hand we decide on a chore that needs to be done around the house. We took turns picking chores that could be done by either party (i.e. cleaning out the litter box wouldn't work since I'm not allowed to do it for Peanut safety reasons).

Then we play poker, loser of 2 out of 3 hands has to do the chore. Their name is written by the chore on 4x6 card. They have until the end of the weekend to get it done.
After 10 or so chores we took time to trade. Nate was willing to take 2 chores just to not have to hand mop the bathroom. Marvelous! We got to play a game, our house is cleaner and this was 'The Weekend Without Nagging'!!!

2. Football Madness Weekend or Nate's Best Weekend Ever!
First, Friday night Nate talked me into going to the Perry High Football game. I didn't last the whole time (those seats are honestly too much for a pregnant lady, especially by Friday evening). Yes, we are one of those little towns where the streets roll up for the local high school football game- and we're not even good! However...we won! We beat Blackwell, apparently our fierce rivals, whom we haven't beat since 2000. Nate was oh so happy.
Then Saturday OSU beat Georgia. Nate loves OSU. I work for OSU. They won and Nate got to listen to it on the radio as he did chores. I thought he might cry for joy.

But then, just when you thought things couldn't get any better...
OU lost. OU and OSU are rivals but OU is the rich, hot rival and OSU is that kid you root for even though you're pretty sure they're not going to win. So OU lost and they lost to...BYU! Hello crazy! OU was ranked 3 going into the season, BYU like 20. It was a very close game and now Mormons all over the world are convinced God really does love us best. Just kidding!!! ;) But we are excited because every Mormon on the planet knows every other Mormon so it's like your best friend just dunked on the hot rich guy.
All of this leads to Nate wishing Monday wasn't a holiday so he could get to work to hug and kiss other OSU fans and mock endlessly OU fans and tell everyone his Dad was tempted into watching the BYU game on Sunday (he had Tivo'd it) etc. Much rejoicing was had by all the non-rich non-hot kids. Yea!!!
3. Peanut is trying to escape through the side of my abdomen. Just thought I'd let you know in case I end up in the hospital in an Alien-like incident.

Update:

The Polls!

Dear New Bagel Place,

Even though I love Panera with a passion that should really be reserved only for people, I decide to give you a chance. I set aside money from my food budget (yes set aside money!) to buy your ‘Bakers Dozen and 2 Cream Cheese’ deal. I try to go by twice but you are only open 6am to 3pm. This is difficult to do on my work schedule but I am determined to welcome you to the neighborhood.

Wednesday morning I rearrange my morning schedule so I am at your bagel shop right after 7am. I start work at 730 but it’s only 3 blocks away. I stand in a short-ish line and then order my baker’s dozen deal, a croissant sandwich breakfast sandwich (pregnant woman treat) and an orange juice. I am slightly sad that your OJ is from concentrate but every place in OK does that so I move on. You also do not have asiago cheese bagels, which are my favorite, but I am willing to try new things.

The young girl taking my order appears new and confused. I am gentle and speak slowly and give her plenty of time to get everything down. I think about asking to see what she wrote to make sure it’s correct but it seems rude. She gives me my total- $16. This is not correct. The Baker’s deal is $16 by itself. I tell her I think it’s supposed to be more than that. She is very confused. Boss Lady comes over. She seems stressed. She tells Confused Young Coed what she did wrong and rings up the order. I’m pretty sure they’re still low a dollar or so but decide not to stress anyone else out.

I then sit in your store 35 minutes. Yes 35 minutes! You see, instead of having the cashier girl grab the bakers dozen deals, which several people are ordering, at the time of purchase- thus insuring both accuracy and speed- you have it all written on a ticket which is then filled quite a bit later by the same people doing the breakfast sandwiches. You also have the cream cheese containers filled as they are ordered. It involves using a hard spatula to fill a container with cold cream cheese while people are waiting for their orders. This seems ineffective to me. Why not fill them before?

People are standing all around waiting patiently. You call Brandy. I get excited and get my bag. I look in and it is obvious this is not my order. I hand it back and another Brandy (who ordered after me) takes her meal and goes.

I wait 10 more minutes. Boss Lady hands me my meal and Baker’s Dozen box and apologizes for how long it has taken. I am gracious and friendly in assuring her I am not irritated. I look in the bag. My croissant sandwich for some reason is made on a cinnamon raisin bagel. I do NOT eat raisins and let you know politely that my sandwich was supposed to be croissant. Boss Lady seem both apologetic and irritated. She blames Confused Young Coed. My sandwich is made (taking an additional 5 minutes).

I leave, getting to work almost a half hour late. I leave the bagels in the car and take the cream cheese in with me to put in the work fridge.

That evening I get home and open my bagel box. I start sorting bagels to freeze. I have 2 raisin bagels in my box.

I decide to return them the next day and ask for them to be replaced- neither Nate or I will eat them and by this point I am slightly irritated.

The next day I cannot get out of the house in time to make a trip I have to assume will take more than 5 minutes. Friday morning I come in with my bagels and politely explain what happened and ask to have my bagels replaced. I hand Different Young Coed the dead grape bagels in a eco ziplock bag. Different Young Coed is friendly but says she’ll have to check. She brings over Boss Lady. Boss Lady tells me (in an 'I'm doing you a favor voice), “I’ll let it happen this time. Next time you really need to bring them back the next day.”

Boss Lady has wiped away all my patience and good cheer in an instant. I inform her I could not make it in yesterday. She hands me my bagels. I am at work before I realize she has given me 4 bagels instead of 2 but am sure it was not out of politeness but lack of paying attention to what I was asking for.

New Bagel Place, I tell you this story because I will not be back. I was willing to overlook a bad morning. I even apologized to you in my mind for bringing my bad mojo to your store. No longer! I will return to Panera where I have always been treated extremely well, including the time I went in with my ASL class and had to order without talking. I will not be overly positive if people ask about you.

…Welcome to the neighborhood.

OMHH!!!

Pioneer Woman is releasing her cookbook and going on tour! I wonder if she needs a roadie? Can you be a roadie with a 1 month old?

Fundal Height, Bad Mojo,Tiny Melons and a Washing Machine

What is Fundal Height?
In your 2nd trimester the doctor starts measuring fundal height. Fundal height is the measure from the top of your pubic bone to the top of the uterus. The distance in centimeters should match pretty closely with the number of weeks pregnant you are. i.e. 30 weeks pregnant should have a fundal height of about 30 cm. This number can be +/- about 2 cm and still be considered normal.

At my 34 week checkup I measured right on the dot. At this last check up (36 week) I was still measuring 34 cm. This is still in the normal range but the lack of any change and the fact that I gained no weight in the last 2 weeks resulted in my doctor and I deciding to do an additional ultrasound to make sure everything is still fine. This will take place next Wednesday (Sept 9th).

Again let me remind you (and my subconscious) that we are still in the normal limit. Everything is probably fine. The Mayo Clinic gives the following possible no-stress reasons for a smaller than normal fundal height:

• a tall or thin frame (uh... oh well, not that one)
• well-conditioned abdominal muscles (hahahahahahahah)
• a baby prematurely descending into the pelvis (not sure???)

So I'm letting you all know on the strict promise you will assume, with Nate and I, that Peanut has just taken pity on me (and my hippy-craziness of not using drugs for the birth) and decided to stay small until after he after he rips through my vaginal cavity. Thank you.

Next let me tell you of the bad mojo I have had this last week...
(ps who can name this book???)

I ripped the button off my maternity pants packet, had to remove my underwear in a grocery store bathroom, burned my finger, dropped my potato in cat hair, gave bad mojo to an entire bagel store, got raisin bagels in my baker's dozen (ewww!), got a random cut on my foot that bled like crazy, had to park way far away from my building in a spot I wasn't sure was legal and lost poker to Nate (meaning he got an additional book this month and I didn't!). :(

On a brighter side I have melons! I planted, in the desperate attempt to grow anything in my garden this year, some watermelon and cantaloupe plants way late. They have baby melons on them! Here's a pic of the largest melon:
Isn't it cute! Some more melon plant pics.

farther away cantaloupe
watermelon
Other best news...

We got a new washing machine! The one we had was one we got from a lady at church, who had gotten it from a man at her work. It was old and made a lot of noise (some balancing issue inside) and didn't clean super well. We decided that since we're doing cloth diapers we needed a good machine that actually cleaned. It is beautiful and wonderful and we love it.

Last night we tried out the sanitary option on our dirty rags. They came out so clean and good-smelling! (although it did take 3 hours. holy hannah! not to be used often!)

Plus one outfit of Peanut's had accidentally fallen into that basket without us noticing. It was so fun to fold little Peanut clothes. Made me 'miss' him- and he's sitting on my bladder right now. Yes I'm a sap.

Oh well, as long as this doesn't happen...

Dear Jigsaw Puzzle,

Why do you make me so happy???

PS Peanut has the hiccups. Do you think if I jump up and down it will be like he's drinking water from the far side of the glass and they'll go away? Or should I try to scare him- tell him his Dad's plans of a dog-pulled cart? I wonder if he'll have my 'chronic hiccups'?

I accept no political commentary...

Whatever your political views this is pretty much the most awesome thing I've seen in forever. I want to buy stock in Ben & Jerry's: