2 Things About Me

Ok so before I share 2 slightly random things I wanted to tell you about my new obsession: http://thepioneerwoman.com/. I found her through looking for recipes and I read her 'love story' and now I love her. She cracks me up. So if you get a chance look her up. Way Funny!!!

Anyway so it's partly because of her that I'm writing this. My blog writing has started to bore me and I was wondering to myself why I love reading PW's blog so much if I find writing mine so boring. One thing I noticed was that she had memories posted intermixed with her daily activities. It gives you a feeling of knowing her better than you do and everyone enjoys laughing at embarrassing moments freely shared. So here you go...two things about me:

1. I love inclement weather
2. I have the bladder control of a 90 year old pregnant woman

Last week at scouts there was a huge storm blowing in (the other ward even canceled their scouts but we're way more hardcore than that). It started out with beautiful clouds, then heavy rain and eventually hail. Before scouts started I got several pictures (please don't judge me on picture quality, tons of people I know are better photographers and it is a goal of mine but I'm still far far away).

The boys got scared at several points but I loved it! It was so beautiful and just made me want to get some hot cocoa and sit with a blanket watching the fun. Now since there's not much else to say about a big storm, other than it's cool and no one got hurt, I'll share a story about my bladder interspersed with my storm pics. If you draw any parallels they are only in your gutter-minded brain; I would never think like that.

So here we go...I have almost no bladder control. I go from 0 to 'going to pee my pants' in the blink of an eye. Here are instances in which I might (and have)wet myself:

- laughing
- sneezing
- walking too fast
- getting nervous
- laughing
- trying to get a little more work done and waiting too long
- driving
- cuddling
- sleeping
- playing
- laughing
- listening to water
- swimming in the ocean (come on you know you've done it too)
- thinking I can hold it and then breathing...at all
- laughing
etc.

I have many childhood memories of my family holding me down and tickling me until I screamed, "I'm gonna pee!!!". They would then let me go but it was usually too late. This was not reserved to childhood, by the way, the same thing happened days after I got off my mission when I was 23.

I once peed on Nate when we were engaged. He was playing "How do the Ladies/Gentlemen/Hunters/Farmers Ride?". I was on his knee and laughing like crazy. All of a sudden I felt it. The tiny release of bladder control. I thought, "that didn't feel like much, maybe he didn't notice". I got up and there was a wet spot on his knee. I almost broke off the engagement right then and there.

One plus to this problem is that I can pee anywhere when I need to- the side of the road, gas station bathrooms, truck stops, the woods, our backyard etc. I can even pee into a fast food cup while on the freeway driving a stickshift. It's true. It happened as recently as last week.

I have peed at friends houses, in their beds, on them, in guest bedrooms. In their cars, on their couches, at their kitchen tables. My life is covered in urine.

But the main story I want to share is of when I was 15. I was taking the lecture class part of drivers ed. In our area you took a 3 day, 5 hours each, class one week and then you could take your written exam to get your permit. I took this class with 3 of my friends: Kim, Kelee, and Rebecca. There was a 15 min break in the middle where you could walk outside, get a drink or snack, and use the restroom.

During that break we were standing outside talking and I decided to use the restroom. The thing is I didn't have to go (I have learned that doesn't really matter and pretty much go whenever a restroom is available) and the line was really long. Plus I was having a good time and didn't want to miss any funny stories my friends were telling so I decided I would be fine and just stayed with my friends. Not 5 minutes later, while laughing hysterically, I felt the release of my control over my bladder. Often there is still hope after this point. I can give my bladder and area muscles a stern talking to and end up with some dampness that no one but me will ever know about. This wasn't one of those times. I tried to stop. I tried to even be discreet but there is no way to keep your friends from notices pee running down your leg and making a puddle at your feet. They all stared with amazement at me standing there wetting myself. There was silence. Now some of you might be asking why I didn't run to the bathroom at the first sign of trouble. #1- It was occupied, #2- I would have had to run by and entire crowd of teenagers who would then ALL have known my problem, #3- once you start moving there's nothing to stop the flood of liquid, meaning it wouldn't have made a difference.

At this point the smart thing would have been to call my parents to pick me up and go home, hoping to still have people who would talk to me on Monday. However, this was before every high school student had a cell phone so I would have had to talk to the instructor about my drenched lower half and, more importantly, I would have had to retake the class. In a 3 day class absence is not tolerated. They probably would have let me attend with a different class another week but at that moment it all seemed impossible.

So what did I do??? Rebecca loaned me a sweatshirt for my backside and Kelee loaned me one for my front side. We walked back into class with them guarding me all around and I sat for another 2 hours covered in urine. I spent most of it wondering how to give back a sweater to a friend they know has been soaked in your urine.

So there it is. One of many stories of my pride level being brought down exponentially by losing control of my bladder. And some storm pictures to keep you from getting too uncomfortable, I hope. If none of you speak to me the next time you see me or you stop reading my blog I won't blame you. And if my sister-in-laws fight over who gets to sleep in the other bed at our sleepover tonight I won't blame them. I wouldn't want to sleep with a bed-wetter either.