When I was a young L, I was awkward. Especially around boys who liked me. For some reason a boy liking me, instead of bringing joy or increased confidence, brought severe awkwardness and stress and, quite often, for some reason, meanness. This wasn't one of those mean times but everything else holds true.
Young L has been told by her friend that a boy (lets call him Dance, Dance Revolution) will be calling her tonight to ask her out. L is unhappy. You see she likes this boys friend, not DDR, and doesn't want to go out with him. At the same time she realizes that DDR is not asking her to marry him, or wear his pin or even to go steady (so what if I want to imagine this experience in the 50's?) he just wants to take her out on one date so they can get to know each other and that could be fun, so long as her awkwardness doesn't get in the way.
Anyway so...DDR calls. However instead of getting strait to the point, he starts talking. And talking. And talking. He's just chatting away. This might have been an effective strategy if L's friend hadn't already told her why he was calling (all hes and shes clear here?). Instead of calming L, this makes it worse as L tries to keep up light, friendly conversation while at the same time growing more and more anxious about him getting to the point. To help ease off some of the stress L begins walking around the pool in her backyard as she talks.
The rhythm of her steps seems to beat in time with her level of anxiety. When DDR succeeds in distracting L with some comment, her steps slow, becoming almost strolling. When she remembers why she's out her at all her pace quickens until she is moving quite rapidly, never actually running because for some reason she assumes he would know if she did. Eventually it seems like he might be winning, L's pace is slowing and if her 3 nosy sisters are spying, they will have heard her laugh several times. L stops close to the large green exercise ball floating near the edge of the pool.
Side story: For Christmas the previous year, L's younger sister, HB, wanted and asked for: not the most expensive present, or the coolest present but the biggest present. Yes folks that's what she wanted- the largest present under the Christmas tree, she didn't care what. L's father searched high and low (or more likely just looked around on the internet) and found the perfect thing: an exercise ball. Not just the regular sized one but a huge one. Honestly, it must have been 5 feet in diameter (remember that's one side to the other, radius would have been from the center to one side- just trying to resurrect some long ago geometry knowledge). HB was happy.
Additional note: L, in the way of most snaiLs, is not large. Let's say top height of 5'3".
For some reason that could only be explained by years of intense study into L's young brain, the size of the green balls distracts from it's placement and L leans on it slightly as she talks. DISASTER! L is now trying to swim, with one arm holding her cell phone out of the water, to the shallow end of the pool. She makes it and then must explain to DDR what all the commotion is- all the time laughing hysterically, because although L excels at being awkward (thoroughly noted in this story), she is also usually pretty good at laughing at herself when occasion demands.
L tells DDR what happened and then sits on the steps of the pool to finish her conversation. After all she's already soaking wet in her dress she might as well stay in the comfort of the water. DDR strangely doesn't seem as amused by this experience. In fact, he seems a little weird-ed out.
I don't even remember whether the date actually happens but if so it's certainly the last one. DDR never calls again. Let us all give thanks L doesn't have to date anyone but her Ox anymore. Amen.
2 comments:
Any boy who wouldn't find that funny doesn't deserve a date anyway. As soon as you said you were walking around the pool I was like "Noooooo, bad idea!" Ahahahahaha
lol! That's hilarous! Oh, you poor little awkward thing! blah. I hated the stress of dating.
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