Also, my body is pretty amazing isn't it? Even with swollen ankles...
This week I listened to Neil Gaiman read The Graveyard Book. It was magnificent. Not only was the story beautiful and different but his reading of it was amazing. He did it on his book tour, reading a chapter or so at a time to each different group. PS Isn't he hot!!! I read his blog regularly.
The basic story is that a toddler's family is killed but he ends up safe in a graveyard where its normal inhabitants raise him. It's a children/young adult book but is a little scary which I think kids like more than we often give them credit for. I defiantly recommend it- in fact, go listen right now!!!
Dear Gluteus Maximus,
First off, I have a serious question. What do you want to be called? I have not felt comfortable with a name for you since I was 5. I feel like we're missing out on part of our relationship because you don't have an appropriate nickname. 'A$$' seems a little vulgar for everyday use, 'butt' sounds stupid, 'bottom' reminds me of 3 year olds, 'back' is only used by rappers, 'tush' is an old lady word...what do you want????? I am open to suggestions.
Now onto our real issue. You are changing. I realize I am too. I now seem to have a basketball under my shirt and the extra weight has led me to waddling, which must be different and slightly uncomfortable for you. I can't do anything about this- Peanut needs room to grow. But other than that, I haven't changed much. I always had big boobs so even if they are getting bigger that seems like a small issue. My question is why are YOU getting bigger?
What has led you to growing in seemingly all directions? Why are you now farther out from my body and higher on my back? I have a short area between hips and boobs- if you continue to move up at the current pace I can only imagine you will reach my bra line in a matter of months. Is this necessary? Belly must grow to accommodate Peanut, boobs must grow to feed him (although I fully believe they were plenty large enough before and are just showing off now), hips must spread to eventually let him through, I even understand feet getting a little bigger to support his extra weight, but again I ask- why are YOU growing?
I don't need you to be big. In fact I was comfortable with our previous low-stress relationship. Nate was happy with you because he didn't know any better. You have raised his expectations and it's frustrating me.
Also I'm not sure what you are filling up all that space with. Amber smacked you the other day and nearly broke her hand- you are hard as steel. Why?
Please remember I still love you and want you around I just feel that not all change is good. Let's go back to how it used to be between us, with a minimum of fuss and tightening of pants.
This past weekend I read a great children's book, The Mysterious Benedict Society, by Trenton Lee Stewart. I loved this book. It reminded me of the beginning books in the Series of Unfortunate Events series, before things got weird and started lacking direction. The children are not perfect but are extraordinary. The plot was fun and engaging. I really liked it.
Here's a synopsis from Books and Movies:
who also does the illustrations for one of my favorite bands, The Decemberists.
What a small world!!!






