Be Grateful There Aren't Pictures

I am serious about that title. Please stop for a moment and send thanks to me that there are not pictures accompanying this post. Moving on...

This story begins with L's father-in-law being nice. L doesn't get to the Temple for her church very often due to a lot of miss-prioritizing and a little legume we like to call Peanut. Anyway L's father-in-law arranges for L to do a session at the Temple on Wednesday while he watches the 'Nut outside. Problem solved. L is excited.

However, on Tuesday Peanut is a little clingy in the morning and after being up for about a half hour he vomits twice in the living room. It's not a big deal, especially since he hasn't eaten anything yet and as he has been having problems with allergies L chalks it up to that appealing-sounding sinus drainage. She watches what he eats all day and isn't overly concerned.

Wednesday he's still not back to normal but not even any vomit. L's sister, from here on out to be known as 'Wendy the super queen and best sister ever', comes over and dyes eggs with L and 'Nut and much fun is had. Although 'Nut seems mostly back to normal L determines she doesn't want him running around too much outside yet so has Ox take off work early to watch the 'Nut and she heads on down to the Temple. 'Wendy the super queen and best sister ever' watches the 'Nut for the few minutes between L having to leave and Ox getting home.

On the drive to the Temple (approx. 70 miles/1 hr 15 mins) L realizes she hasn't eaten since lunch and won't get dinner until late. Well...life happens. However, after L gets to the temple her stomach starts hurting. Then aching. Then grinding and twisting into a tornado of pain. This eases into a wave of nausea. L is sitting through the approx. hour and a half session alternately praying to NOT VOMIT IN THE TEMPLE!!! and wondering what would happen if she did. Probably not a lot of quality worshiping.

After the session is over L rushes to the bathroom fully intent on vomiting but nothing happens. The nausea diminishes and the pain becomes bearable. Maybe God loves L because she stoically endured under pressure? L would be proud if she wasn't in such a rush to get home. So starts the 'short earlier this afternoon and now unbelievably long' trip home.

L drives down the freeway trying to decide if it's better to be distracted at a higher speed or for a longer time. If she vomits on a cop will that get her out of a ticket or into jail as he will surely not believe she's not drunk? Being a planner L starts to look around for what she could vomit into should such a situation arise... Ahh thanks to L and Ox's slovenly ways here is a WhataBurger bag within reach. Problem solved. L even calls her Ox to make sure he will still love her if she fills their car with vomit. He responds positively but hints that love will not extend to cleaning vomit from car upholstery.

And then it happens. Uncontrollable Vomit. Left hand on the steering wheel, looking over the right shoulder to change lanes and pull safely off the freeway, right hand holding the WhataBurger bag to her face to catch pulsing streams of something hot and rancid. Almost to the side...almost safe...then the WhataBurger bag disintegrates under a burden it was never meant to bear. Suddenly things have gone from bad to worse.  

***Pause to calm yourself... She doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time.*** 

As we return to the scene L is safely off to the side of the freeway. However the gratitude that should be forthcoming is mired in the vomit covering: L, her lap, her seat belt, her center console, her gear shift, the right side of her car seat, a small section of the passenger seat...

If the world were fair L would be immediately transported to her own bathroom to get cleaned up and then pampered by her loving husband. Alas the would is not fair and L is still over 45 minutes from home. Calling Ox results in sympathy but no logical quick fix. So L calls 'Wendy the super queen and best sister ever'. 'Wendy the super queen and best sister ever' immediately agrees to meet L at a gas station about 2 miles from L's current location.

'Wendy the super queen and best sister ever' meets L at the gas station and sends L into the bathroom with her own back up clothes. L ignores the horrified look of the attendant. While L cleans herself up and seeks to wedge herself into her sister's much smaller clothes, 'Wendy the super queen and best sister ever' uses a half carton of baby wipes to clean L's car better than could be ever imagined. L comes out (with a resolve to think on thigh and tummy fat at some later point), buys a water and thanks 'Wendy the super queen and best sister ever' in an inadequate way. 'Wendy the super queen and best sister ever' heads into the city for a date/night out (with her friend who has been sitting horrified in her car the ENTIRE time) smelling of someone else's vomit. She truly is amazing.

And so L heads home. She still has 45 minutes of driving and is eager to get to it. She does vomit once more but makes it off the road and out of the car first. As she makes the last stretch the following words come through her mental fog from a song playing on the radio:

Ooh, ooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell?
Ooh, ooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you

Sorry my kid hates you...

So we have a problem...Peanut hates his doctor. From the moment we pull up to the office he is suction cupped to me. When the nurse comes in he in ornery. But when our doctor comes in he literally screams the whole time. I don't quite understand it. Dr. makes sure he's not there when shots are given out. He rarely forces anything, although of course he had to check ears when Peanut had his ear infection that lasted for eternity. He's friendly and nice (and I personally think he's cute) but Peanut can't stand him.

I wasn't really bothered until this last appt. But amid all the screaming I couldn't help thinking I should ask to see Dr.'s wife (also a doctor). I really don't want to trade doctors. I think I need to find something between now and Peanut's  next appt that will help him be more comfortable with Dr.. Any ideas? I was thinking of a puzzle or sticker book made from Dr.'s picture???

See doesn't he look nice with his wife, Lady Dr.?

Instead we...

Well last Tuesday was supposed to be 'Clean the Bathroom Day', instead I took Peanut and his cousin Madi to the OKC Science Museum.


First, the ride there. I'll admit it was the hardest part. If you don't know I live 35 miles from Rachel (and Madi). So Peanut and I drove there, picked up Madi, dropped off books due at the library, dropped off promised bread at the Institute and then finally got on the freeway for the 60 mile (hour and 15 min) drive to the Museum. By Guthrie (30ish minutes from Stillwater) the kids were already done. 

Madi was quiet and grumpy. Peanut was loud and grumpy and had somehow managed to get his arms stuck awkwardly in the car set straps.

Luckily I had a few tricks (and treats) up my sleeve. We stopped at a gas station, got out the satsumas Rachel had packed and readjusted toys and snacks (and Peanut's arms). 

On our way...again.

However once we got to the museum everything went wonderfully. Both kids were amazingly well behaved and stayed close and played a lot and went to the bathroom when they were supposed to, and LISTENED. I don't ever expect this to happen again but it was a marvelous one-time occurrence.

They played together which was wonderful and unexpected. We love having cousins around but the one problem has been slight bullying. Madi bullies Peanut, Peanut bullies Cal etc. Thankfully everyone is soft with Baby Katie Mae. 

But on this trip no bullying or grumping. Hallelujah!

They played in the water, had their faces painted (note: I am not a professional face painter) and just seemed to have a great time. 

At one point we tried to see a show but it was more geared toward older kids so Peanut was bored and Madi got was scared (it was about explosions). So instead we went and had lunch.

(insert missing lunch pictures here)

After lunch we played for about an hour longer and then packed up and headed home. I love the freedom of a yearly pass! No feeling bad about only going for a half day- especially since kids this little can't stand more than that.

On the way home we stopped at Freddy's Frozen Custard to see my sister, Wendy. I got Peanut and Madi one mini vanilla custard with gummy bears to split. The mess Peanut made with his half was incomprehensible. He honestly got more custard on him than there was in his cup- I'm sure of it. We ended up striping off his shirt. Yes, I was that mom.

Madi chose to be the good child and ate carefully while coloring her picture. She was super excited when the manger posted it immediately. 

Then the ride home, where blissfully both children fell asleep. All in all a wonderful day. I can't decide if I should do it again because it went so well or leave it a perfect memory...

Reasons I Love This Picture...

For those who don't know the subjects, this is Jeanne (the Ox's mom) and 2 of her grandkids, Cal and Madi, who are (obviously) Peanut's cousins. Onto reasons I love it:

• Well, the obvious, Jeanne is slightly stuck at the bottom of a huge slide in the middle of 2 of her grandkids. 
• The juxtaposition between Jeanne's expression and Cal's.
• That Jeanne only has one shoe on. The other came down a few moments earlier with Peanut. 
• The fact that to get to this point Jeanne has to convince Madi and actually carry both Cal and Peanut up 8 billion stairs to the top of this slide. She not only signed up for this, she had to work for it. 
• That Gibson was unconcerned and rode by himself, missing the pile-up. 
• That it is the first picture of Madi I've posted. I don't mean to exclude her it just hasn't happened until this moment. 

 The thing I love best about this picture is that it is one moment of an awesome day. I never thought I would love living near my in-laws (not them specifically but any in-laws) but I do. I love that Peanut has a great relationship with both of them and has 2 people besides Ox and I that he feels totally comfortable with.

In addition to this I now have my sister-in-law, Rachel and her family living within 35 miles. Her kids, Madi, Cal and Katie are perfect ages to play with Peanut and for him to learn about cousin relationships with. Plus, she's fun. Grammie Jeanne, Rachel, Madi, Cal, Katie, Peanut and I all fit perfectly in the van and can ride together all over on adventures as we did this day, going to the Oklahoma Science Museum.

Life is good.

Top 5 Ways (this past week) I Am A Questionable Mother

5. Have started using my yoga mat as a place to let Peanut feed himself. He has started insisting on feeding himself and I am not willing to clean my old school, needs to be resealed (or sealed to begin with?) hardwood floor that often. I sit him down with his breakfast... a bowl of oatmeal, or cereal or (this is a memorable one) 5 frosted mini wheats + 3 baby carrots + one strawberry and let him go to town. Then I put him in his morning bath (yes he has 2 a day) and let the dogs in to lick up the yoga mat. Should that be a different entry? Using your dogs as an honest part of your clean up routine? Oh no, that's on the Top 5 Ways I'm A Bad Housekeeper list.

4. Have given up on the 'Don't eat dog/cat food' issue. It was my red button, makes me so irritated I could demolish a building issue. I have admitted defeat. "Fine, Peanut! You want to fill up on dog or cat food? Go ahead! See if I care! But I'm telling you kisses on the mouth from this mom are going to diminish significantly"

3. Give my child lemonade. Apparently it's worse than soda on your kids teeth because of the citric acid plus sugar. Just kidding, I just only had 4 blaring example of inept mothering this week but a Top 4 list is stupid.

2. Have started insisting Peanut spends time outside in the backyard without me. What? 17 months old is too young? Don't worry, he has 3 dogs (the smallest 3 times his weight) out there who alternately knock him down and lick his face, thus knocking him down, to watch him. Also we have one of those dog water, hooks onto the spigot, looks like a hamster water things out there and I've totally caught him using it so I know he always has access to liquid refreshment.

And the Number 1 Way I Am A Questionable Mother...(try it in story form)

1. Let's say L has put on her calendar that Friday she will get out of the house (without using the car) with her fussy baby, NO MATTER WHAT. Living in a town with no sidewalks (ok there might be some but they're definitely not by her house) taking the regular stroller is quite a pain. But wait...we have a bike trailer that, with the addition of one wheel, turns into a jogging type stroller (bigger wheels= easier on rough streets).

Except one thing...L can't find that one wheel. One grumpy phone call to husband later, tire still not found and L is close to losing her mind. Why? Well, the road from normal L to losing-her-mind-L is not a long one. So she decides to just take Ox's bike with said trailer attached.

Problems with this? First, Ox's bike was a special buy made to fit Ox. It even says the word "Giant" on it. Even with the seat all the way down L can't reach the pedal at it's down position.

Second, L honestly hasn't ridden a bike farther than 10 feet since elementary school. This is no joke. Not a huge fan of bike riding (seriously, all these years later and they can't figure out a more comfortable seat?) L has avoided biking most of her life. When is a good time to rekindle your interest in something and try it anew? Well, it's definitely not when you will be riding on the street, pulling your baby behind you, with his life in your hands (or just dependent on feet that can reach the ground without laying the bike over sideways).

Does L contemplate all this? Not really. So she starts on her bike ride. It's easier than she thought, besides the part where you have to give it an extra push at the 90 degree point in rotation so the other pedal comes around to where you can reach it. L is starting to feel pretty good about her self and this idea. Then comes the slight incline, and the railroad tracks. This is more aerobic activity than L has done in a while. Also these seats really are uncomfortable.

Ahh here it comes...the stop sign. L is aware legally she should stop but since she can't get off the bike without holding onto something or kindof dropping the bike sideways and jumping off she decides to skip it. Her pulse accelerates contemplating a oncoming car or even a cop but luckily she lives in a podunk town with not many people cruising around in the early afternoon. A not long time later L arrives at the park with Peanut, who seems unaware his life has just been gambled on. A phone call and two short trial trips later, L and Peanut resign themselves to waiting at the park for Ox to get off work and pick them up.

 


And there you go. Has my almost year and a half of motherhood imbued me with a maternal instinct and a lot more common sense? Not really. I don't want to scare you not-yet-parent types but parenthood only seems to increase your ability to be stupid and/or questionable. Should my Peanut survive to adulthood you may all remind him what a close call it was.

Happy St. Patrick's Day AND Happy Anniversary!

There are many fun things about having your anniversary be the same day as St. Patrick's Day- it's easy to remember, you feel an ownership for a national holiday etc. But one problem is that celebrating your anniversary often gets put on the back burner. We have an annual St. Patty's Day celebration and that normally takes most of my concentration and effort on March 17th. So this year I thought I'd send out a note of why I'm lucky to have my Cute Face:

1. He lightens my load, cheers my heart, unburdens my psyche... I have a tendency to get bogged down in monotony and routine. Nate shakes me out of that and helps brighten my entire visage. I definitely need that, although (as is obvious from this paragraph) I have a difficult time conveying to him how much I appreciate it.
2. He makes me laugh- out loud. He tells a lot of lame jokes, and a few funny ones. He had a little kid's know-I've-been-naughty face that absolutely cracks me up. He shares with me things that happened at work or that he heard about that are just funny and he makes me laugh out loud. 
3. He is an amazing father. I don't personally know anyone else who is so active in their role as father. When Gibson was first born I had to beg to get to hold my own baby, because Nate always wanted to hold him. I often forget how much he does until he's not available and I have to go to church, put Gibson to bed, feed Gibson dinner alone. Nate sings Gibson and I to sleep every night. 
4. He thinks, and tells me all the time, that I am sexy. Sometimes I find it hard to believe he can find the occasionally put together girl he married in my down trodden mom look but he does and reminds me there's a woman inside this mom. 
5. He helps people. I'm honestly ashamed to admit that a good majority of our fight are about him wanting to help someone out and me being irritated he can't spend every moment at home. He actively participates in church, scouts, blood drives, work service, and the general helping out of people. He stops for people on the road. He helps make the lives of those around him easier. 
6. While being totally involved in child-rearing, he supports my crazy hippy ideas and takes full part: co-sleeping, cloth diapers, baby signing, homemade cleaning products etc. He believes I've done the research and that I have the instinct. 
7. He fixes things. He finds broken things and fixes them. He riggs things to work. He is mechanically minded, and I think that's hot. 

Overall I'm just really lucky to have found someone who can put up with my crazy and actually love me for it.

To my husband: I love you! Happy Anniversary!

Happy Pi Day!

Yea for Pi and pie! Today to celebrate we had dinner (and dessert) with Jeanne, Brad, Rachel, Madi, Cal and Katie. We had Cottage Pie for dinner.

Then for dessert we had Chocolate Buttermilk Pie, Sour Cherry Pie and Coconut Cream Pie. So good!

 

Then two little cousins had to take a bath. How do you get coconut in your ear?

Also Katie Mae smiled at me today...

 

So happy times, yes?

But oh last night...

It started off innocently enough, with Peanut doing some sort of half-nudie photo shoot

then moved onto soon-to-be-regretted tattoos

and finally moved onto the saddest event...

the 1st real haircut...

I'm not ashamed to say I cried. Since Ox was the one who actually held the clippers he did penance by cutting off his own hair (sorry no photos). 

Then came the moment that chills the blood. 

There she was, an innocent, madonna-like mother, laying (or is it lying? I can never remember) in bed, practically radiating love and peace, when she was set upon by the testosterone in the house. 

Held down by both her Cute-faced lovey and the fruit of her loins and tortured. They overwhelmed her. The small one sat on her chest and snuffled her chin and neck, the initiator grabbed at sides, waist, arms, legs. She was overcome. 

Eventually came the cry that she fears will become (at yet one more point in her life) her mantra, "LET ME UP OR I'M GOING TO PEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!".

Outnumbered.

Just in case...

you thought I was holding a grudge against the cute trouble-causer living in my house- here are some of his latest activities:

Peanut at the park. We have to have some way to get all that energy out. Amusingly, he hates getting dressed but loves socks, shoes, hats and jackets (and is very particular about which he will wear) - guess he just wants to be naked in the middle.

The Scout fundraiser (Nate's Scoutmaster) is recycling cans this year. Peanut helps.

We got a year pass at the OKC Science Museum this year. Last week we went with Grammie, Aunt Rachel and the cousins. There was lots of other fun stuff the kids loved (including a huge slide) but this was the only thing I got a picture of. This is Peanut and his cousin, Cal.

This is 'Nut insisting on feeding himself. It also proves that although he looks almost identical to me as a toddler he has someone else's genes in there cause I never, as much as I wanted, had lips like that. Also, he has crazy hair. What can I say?

Ox got an Ox-sized bike last year. This year we got a bike trailer. Everyday after work Ox and Peanut go out for a ride together. Ahh peace.

For Easter this year Peanut got a Radio Flyer Steer and Stroll Trike. What? It's not Easter yet? Well someone (not 'Nut or I) got too excited to wait. I wasn't sure if I was going to enforce helmet wearing on the trike but we had made such a big deal out of the Special Helmet Hat required to ride in the trailer that Peanut just automatically put it on for the trike.

Just being crazy and cuddling with the dog blanket. Why yes, that is a hideously ugly couch he's sitting on. We're just following the married less than 5 years AND have kids so required to have an ugly hand-me-down couch rule. Hope none of you are breaking it- I'd hate for them to get you.

Notes Without Opposible Thumbs

* The nurse came in with a pain pill prescription when discharging me. I asked if it could be safely taken while breast feeding. She left, came back with the answer, "Better save this as a last resort"...I'm guessing that means no???

* When my 4 am, left-handed rewrapping of my injury is more effective than the nurses I worry for ER care in this area.

* Ox braided my hair this morning. It looked better than normal. Is that awesome for him or embarrassing for me?

* Driving a manual car is surprisingly easy. Turning it on and off surprisingly difficult.

* Peanut seems unrepentant. Should I beat him more?

* I am grateful for awesome health insurance. It was only 3 stitches but our trip to the emergency room only cost $50 and even that came out of a tax-free flex-spending account.

* Ox went in late to work this morning to help get Peanut and I up and off to Institute class. My mother-in-law helped get Peanut in and out of the car at class. I am well taken care of.

* Hardest thing to do today? Pull the heavy feather duvet over Peanut and I for our nap. Succeeded in straining my injured squishy place and punching myself in the face.

* Threw out yesterday's black bean burgers. Instructed Ox in making new black bean burgers. Forgot to add garlic. Still delicious.

Best part of injury- not allowed to do dishes. Hmmm might be worth it.

PS Anyone who comments on how I can still manage to do dishes will be punched the next time I see them. Distance is not a factor; I have a long memory for punching.

Black Bean Burgers and BLOOD!

***Readers, you might ask what a delicious vegetarian black bean burger has to do with blood. I'll give you a hint- not animal blood***

Here's how you make a succulently delicious black bean burger:

Take 2 c black beans. Sort them (take out any little rocks you find), rinse them, put them in a pot with 8 c water and soak over night.

In the morning, rinse the beans and drain the water. Add 6 c water, half a diced onion and some salt and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer between 1 1/2 to 2 hours until beans are soft. Let cool. Drain off excess liquid.

Take 2 c cooked beans (this will leave you excess beans in the pot). Mash with potato masher slightly. Add 1 c bread crumbs (or wheat germ...yum!), some cumin, some cayenne pepper, some garlic and more salt if needed. TASTE! Adjust flavoring as needed (you can add more beans if you added too much flavoring). When flavoring is delicious add 1-2 eggs and 1/2 c frozen corn. The consistency at this point should be similar to ground hamburger.

Form into patties. Coat lightly in corn meal. Fry in 2 Tbsp oil on med. high for about 5 mins on each side (remember the only thing that needs to be 'cooked' is the egg). Place in the oven to keep warm, if needed.

Now imagine L doing all these things, starting Sunday evening. Peanut is being a bit of a pill but other than remembering to plan ahead, black bean burgers aren't that labor intensive, so it's not too stressful. (Pay attention this next part moves fast).

L is forming the patties, pretty ecstatic, because the consistency is so perfect she should be on a cooking show. She is humming slightly- excited about eating these perfect burgers, Ox getting home from work and taking the 'Nut for a bike ride, then their trip into town for Baby/Toddler ASL class...and also to drown out the 'Nut's incessant whining. The 'Nut wants to help. He climbs on on the kitchen chair grabs the long, sharp bread knife and waves it around, stabbing it into one of the burgers. L lunges for the knife, the 'Nut pulls away, L ends up with the knife, starts to lecture about not touching knives and looks down to notice the skin between her thumb and pointer finger is now only partially connected. Ohhh muscles!

L rinses her hand (remember it's still covered in delicious black bean burger), wraps in in a kitchen towel that is embarrassingly un-cute and slightly dirty. She then picks up Peanut, who is crying because his diabolical plan to take over the world/desire to poke black bean burgers has been thwarted and walks quickly to...the computer?!?!? Why? Well because she has once again misplaced her phone and must EMAIL her husband at work for reinforcements. She emails. He does not respond but 15 mins later her Ox is home.

Ox looks at the squishy place covered by the towel and determines a doctor must be consulted. It is now 4:15 pm. L does not trust the local hospital. They call their doctors office but once they get there (35 miles away) it will be closed. They head to the ER by the doctors office.

By 6:15 the ER doctor sees them. The Ox and 'Nut are asked to leave, the squishy place is washed, dried and made accessible to the doctor. He asks if L is allergic to Lidocaine. She is not and says so but forgets to mention that while not sending her into anaphylactic shock it, it also doesn't numb her at all, something learned long ago at the dentist.

At this point I am guessing most of you enchanted readers are imagining our heroine as stalwart and stoic and brave...she is not. The second Ox and 'Nut leave she is crying like a baby, tears streaming down her face but oh so quietly so as not to disturb the doctor- after all we don't want him distracted.

The first stitch goes in. L remembers the significance of the Lidocaine question as the doctor asks her if she can feel anything. She nods emphatically. He doesn't see since he is diligently concentrating on sewing the squishy part closed. He tells her not to be shy if there's a problem, in a quiet not-expecting-a-response tone of voice. L finally manages to get out that 'YES, it hurts'. He looks up, surprised, and asks, slightly disbelieving, if it's really pain or just pressure. L says, "pain" in a completely controlled way as he sets the 2nd stich. "Hmmm...," the doctors says, as he sets the 3rd and last stich, the one that is obviously piecing together some sort of major nerve, and trying to make small talk continues, "So do you want any more kids?".

Choices

Question: Which is grosser?

A. Leaning in to kiss your baby, to find his breath smells like the dog food he got into and ate

or

B. Cleaning the vomit out of his ear because he was sick during the night and then rolled in it

Answer: Either is appropriate- both should serve as birth control reminders.

Favorite Author Friday - Jane Lindskold

 

Jane Lindskold is a reasonably new find for me. I browsed into her Firekeeper Saga and loved it. Since then I have slowly been working through her other novels. I like her writing style. I find the stories comfortably predictable enough to satisfy my 'potato-chip fiction' need, while still  with enough surprises to keep me entertained. She grew up near D.C. with both parents as attorneys. You can see the influence of that in how she deals with politics in her books- not our world politics necessarily (like an Ayn Rand) but the character's world politics.

The Firestarter books are about a young woman raised by wolves who ends up back in human society dealing with the politics there. Loved these!

The Land of Smoke and Sacrifice novels are really interesting. They're novels based on the Chinese Zodiac and the real game of Mah Jong (not just the matching tiles thing we play on the computer). Only a couple of the books are out so far.

I haven't read many of her other novels. I LOVED Child of a Rainless Year and couldn't get through The Buried Pyramid so I guess I have no definitive answer on the quality of her other books. Be aware her novels are usually pretty lengthy. All over 200 pages, with the Firestarter ones closer to 500-700 pages each.

Here's her bibliography (c/o Wikipedia):
     *once again title in red I have read

The Firekeeper Saga

• Through Wolf's Eyes (2001)
• Wolf's Head, Wolf's Heart (2002)
• The Dragon of Despair (2003)
• Wolf Captured (2004)
• Wolf Hunting (2006) 
• Wolf's Blood (2007)

The Athanor series

• Changer (1998)
• Legends Walking (1999)

The Land of Smoke and Sacrifice series

• Thirteen Orphans (2008)
• Nine Gates (2009)
• Five Odd Honors (2010)

Other novels

• Brother to Dragons, Companion to Owls (1994)
• Marks of Our Brothers (1995)
• The Pipes of Orpheus (1995)
• Smoke and Mirrors (1996)
• When the Gods are Silent (1997)
• Donnerjack (1997) with Roger Zelazny
• Lord Demon (1999) with Roger Zelazny
• The Buried Pyramid (2004)
• Child of a Rainless Year (2005)

Stories

• Noh Cat Afternoon in Catfantastic IV (1996)
• Queen's Gambit in Worlds of Honor (1999)
• Promised Land in The Service of the Sword (2003)

Let us never speak of this again...

Poop is gross.

Poop from a baby on antibiotics is really gross.

Poop from a baby on antibiotics on your living room floor is indescribable.

Let us never speak of this again.

Water: I Love You...I Love You NOT!!!

Things You Dream Of When You Don't Have Water for Two Weeks:

1. Ice Water
2. Cooking and Eating at Home
3. Doing the Dishes
4. Clean Clothes/Doing Laundry
5. Bathing your Baby at Home
6. Showering 
7. Wiping Down a Counter and Rinsing the Rag

Things You Hate Doing After the 30 Second Period of Gratitude Ends:

1. Doing Back Dishes
2. Doing Back Laundry
3. Wiping Down Two Week Dirty Counters

Oh well, at least showers, baby bathes and ice water are still satisfying.

(picture above from trip to Mexico Sept. 2010)

We Have the Interwebs!!!

Yes, it has finally happen. snaiLs and Ox's have the interwebs in their very own house. We have limped/slimed our way into the modern age. Why, you ask, have we been without said interwebs? Were we morally opposed? Afraid of youthful hackers? Old and crotchety? Well I will tell you in a long, drawn out and probably uninteresting story, interspersed with pictures of my Peanut so you feel obligated to continue reading.

 A long, long time ago there was no 'Nut, just a snaiL and an Ox. It was a time of dates and a clean house and money for sushi. Why is this? Because both L and Ox were working of course! And what did each of them have available at their jobs? That's right...the interwebs! You're so smart! (Ok I'm sorry I'm in the nursery at church and it's possible the grown ups in the audience don't need this question/answer format laced with self-esteem boosting praise).



Anyway back to the story...L and Ox both had the interwebs at their grindstones. In fact, L spent a huge portion of her day communicating through emails, looking things up for helpless students, professors and administrators, and watching The Daily Show.



If something needed to be looked up/read/bought online/blogged about it could be done from the comforts of their office chairs and double monitors during the 40 - 50 hours a week they spent there. Why spend sushi money on home webs?


Fast forward. snaiLs and Ox's powers combine to form...Captain Pla...wait, no...what was it again???... Oh, yes...the Peanut!!! He is so little and good-smelling and nibbley. Mmmmm Peanut.



We move to where The School That Shall Not Be Named shafts good L with broken promises and fake concern. The choice: 50 hours/week with Peanut or without him. Easily decided. And so L joins the ranks of slightly crazy from lack of adult conversation stay home moms.



It is wonderful and delicious and better than she imagined. And yet, something is missing. Oh yes, the interwebs she has become so gloriously attached to.


Sadly:

(mentally interject visual aid of Need/Want of Home Interwebs increasing while Income Left Over After Food/Housing/Peanut Weekly Spa Treatments decreasing)


And so there are still no interwebs. L and the 'Nut survive at home without them. Ox still has access if necessary and board book reading, ball bouncing and dog chasing seem to fill the days. Ahhh a happy and uncomplicated time.


But one day Ox says it is time to treat L to a little glimpse into a world where, "Stop licking the baby" and "Don't eat dog food" are not the only words heard for miles. We pay to have the interwebs delivered to our house right after Christmas.



  
Murphy's Law is enacted.


And our story ends, in early February, with our heroes gaining the prize. Ahh it is beautiful to behold.

Warnings/Notes: All, Some or None of this story may or may not be true and has been embellished to the writers desire. Also this post contains Peanuts. Processed in a factory where Peanuts are processed.